I Cried This Week

I knew starting this blog that there were going to be times where I was going to be painfully vulnerable. This is one of those times. 

Tuesday, October 6

Most of this is my fault. I wait until the eleventh hour to do my Arabic homework, and sometimes I don’t finish it in time. This leaves me stressed and feeling unprepared for class. But also, I don’t know how to study for this class. I consider myself a good student--a great student, even. But I am struggling so badly. I don’t know how to study my vocabulary, and I feel like I’m not fully grasping all the letters and concepts I have learned so far. 

During class, the wifi on campus went down, and I was booted off my Zoom call. I was scrambling to get back to class, not wanting to miss anything. By the time I was done for the day, I was feeling discouraged and helpless. And then everything kinda came crashing down. 

As soon as I clicked “End Meeting,” I started crying. It felt like everything had just culminated and overwhelmed me. I thought it would do me good to call my mom, but sometimes, it’s not a phone call you need but a chance to be by yourself and let yourself revel in how you are feeling. After a short call with my mom, I grabbed a box of tissues, sat on my bed, cuddled my longtime friend (aka, a stuffed animal) named Leopard Boy, and cried. 

I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe at moments. It didn’t feel quite as cathartic as some other cries I’ve had, but it felt good to let it out. With red eyes and a headache after I calmed down, I went about the rest of my day. And I came full circle, because that night, my roommate and I were laughing so hard that I couldn’t breathe at certain times. 

Thursday, October 8

Thursday was better. I did all my homework in time, and I felt prepared for class. During class, we went into depth about roots in the Arabic language. Each Arabic word has a root consisting of three to five consonants; vowels are not included with a root. The order of the consonants matters for the root. For example, the root for studying/teaching is درس. You can find the root in the words دُروس and يُدرِّس, which mean “tutorials” and “teaching,” respectively. 

Overall, class went smoothly. I might set up a meeting with my professor just to talk to her about how I’m feeling. I need to relearn self-discipline when it comes to learning a language, but it’s so difficult. I hope I will have a better report for next week. 

Arabic Word of the Week

tea / shaay / شاي