Whatever It Takes
Today’s blog post is a bit more personal. These past few weeks, I have been feeling stressed, worried, doubtful, and angry. On Friday, July 17 around 9pm, I received an email from my university stating that I would have to quarantine for two weeks in the NY-NJ-CT tri-state area before I could move into my dorm. This wasn’t a rule from my university but rather by the New York State government; therefore, I had to comply.
It felt like the rug had been ripped out from underneath me. Normally, I consider myself a person who can deal well with curveballs that are thrown my way. This past March, without missing a beat, I moved out of my dorm and moved back home to finish the semester online. But this email threw me into a tailspin.
That next day, Saturday, I was supposed to drive down to my hometown for the weekend and see friends. I still did, but I felt like I couldn’t appreciate the moments I had with my loved ones. The following Monday evening, my parents and I had a family meeting and laid out everything that had to be done: I had to find somewhere to quarantine, I had to book a flight, and I had to figure out what I was taking with me to quarantine and what had to be shipped to me later in the month.
It felt like I was in a New York subway station: I was standing on the platform watching the train of everything fly by me.
The following week was filled with well-crafted texts (even though I was a frantic mess) as I asked friends who either lived in the tri-state area or knew people who did if I could quarantine at their place for two weeks. Nothing was working out, until (thank God) I received an email from Hofstra saying that I had been approved to quarantine on campus before I moved into my dorm.
While that part was settled, I still was not in a great headspace. I had this feeling of being in a “lame duck” season, where there was really nothing left to do but wait and pack. I wished so desperately that I could pack and just fly out the next day. But alas, I had to wait for August 4th to fly out. In the week and half leading up to my flight, I visited my friends one last time, saying goodbyes, since (if everything goes well) I will not see them until December, as well as beginning to pack both for my two week quarantine and my inevitable move-in day into my college dorm for the year.
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I am currently writing this post from the Salem House on my university’s campus. I flew out yesterday, after my flight had been delayed for four hours due to the tropical storm that blew through the East Coast. I’m thankful to be here, but this experience has forced me to look deeply at the idea of sacrifice. I don’t mean this in any philosophical or religious way, but just in what I as a human being must do in order to better my life and set myself up for success.
Last summer, as the reality of moving ten hours away from my parents began to set in, I pondered on what sacrifices I was making and was going to make so I could pursue my goals and dreams. By moving to New York City (okay—near NYC), I was giving up my security net that I had at home: my parents, my friends, my mentors. If I was to go to school in Ohio, I had people close to me; should I fail, I had people to help me. But in New York, all I have is myself and God as She watches over me. I had—and still have—this sense of “it’s either sink or swim.”
And I’d be damned if I didn’t swim. Sinking was—and still is—not an option.
But in a way I was wrong. I do have a support system out here in New York. In the past year, I have made close friends who love and care for me. I have an amazing Twin who is always there for me when I’m feeling homesick for Ohio. (Thank you, Alex. I love you!) I have professors and advisors who genuinely wish to see me succeed in whatever career path I choose. And, of course, all my loved ones back in Ohio are just a text or call away.
I've realized in the past year that sacrifice is necessary for growth. If I didn’t move to New York, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. And I absolutely love the person I have become and am excited to see the person I have yet to be.
The New York City skyline… oh how I have missed you!